As we conclude with this series, the focus shifts to social approaches.  If you are new please refer to earlier posts regarding communication and emotional approaches to connecting to people with Autism.  While this is the final installment regarding making connections to people with Autism, the series will continue with weekly posts about various topics concern people with Autism Spectrum Disorders.  Please feel free to suggest topics for further discussion. 

Social connections can be made with people who have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but the connection has to be made in a way that is consistent with the person's social abilities.  Avoid the small talk, as it is difficult for most people with Autism, and many of my clients have reported to me that it is unnecessary.  It might be best to connect first through a structured game or activity.  This will relieve some of the anxiety as the focus of the interaction is on a specific activity and not conversation.  The initial games and activities should be ones the person already knows, because there will often be an increase in anxiety when a person with an Autism tries to learn something new.  New games can be tried once a connection is made and the person gains trust.  The other aspect to remember with game play is that people with Autism often have difficulty multitasking, so the prospect of trying to have a social conversation while playing a game may be very difficult.  Conversation during game play should primarily focus on the game itself.  If conversation ends up being about another topic, it may be difficult to redirect the person back to the game.  

When trying to connect to a person with Autism through conversation, it would be helpful to start by talking about a topic of interest to them.  However, the person with Autism may assume that there is an equal knowledge base for both parties and may speak to the other person like an expert unless they are informed otherwise.  Eventually the conversation can turn to shared interests, taking turns talking about the subject, and eventually being able to converse solely about the other person’s interests.  Using humor is always a fun way to connect, but difficulties with abstract reasoning can make it difficult for a person with Autism to understand humor.  Make sure the humor is obvious to the person when joking and, if the joking is personal, ask them if it is ok to joke around before doing so.  Many people with Autism misinterpret the intentions of gentle teasing and become insulted.  Finally, when trying to explain a concept or rationale to a person with an Autism make sure they understand how the concept relates to them personally.  People with an Autism tend to see things only from their own point of view and thus may not understand the importance of what is being said unless it is made clear to them how the information can benefit them.

This is part 6 of a series focusing on techniques for connecting to individuals with Autism.  This weeks sessions continues to discuss the emotional approach.  Another important aspect of the emotional approach is providing a rationale for thoughts, beliefs, and requests.  Due to difficulties with perspective taking and Theory of Mind, the person with Autism often does not understand the other person’s point of view and typically only understands information in terms of how it affects their personal world.  Therefore, in order to connect with a person like that, it is important to help the person understand the other person’s point of view or in other words ‘why is this being said this to them?’  This helps the person with Autism realize that the other person has unique thoughts and feelings and that they are not speaking or acting arbitrarily or out of malice.   The other aspect of providing rationale is that it can be explained how what is being said affects the other person.  Sometimes this may be describing a potential outcome, while other time it may be explaining an expectation.  For example, if a teacher is wishing for a student to complete their work the teacher may have to show the person with Autism how the work will help them with their life.  The work may have to relate to an interest to get their attention.  If the goal is for the student to speak more respectfully, then it may need to be explained that respectful language not only is an expected behavior, but it also makes others feel happier when they hear it.  Once the student understands and accepts the rationale, the student can then be taught specific skills needed to fulfill that behavior.  This is very important when providing social skills training.  Without a clear rationale for engaging in socially appropriate behavior, the student is unlikely to be motivated to use the skills being taught.  

The final aspect of the emotional approach involves the ‘power struggle.’  Being steadfast and true to one’s beliefs is often seen as a positive quality.  When this is done to an extreme it is seen as stubbornness.  It is extremely different for a person with an Autism to change their thoughts and beliefs (remember the train analogy) and when they do so it is typically on a gradual basis.  In addition, when one only sees the world from one’s own point of view, the concept of a hierarchical authority structure does not make much sense.   Therefore, to expect a person with an Autism to listen just because the speaker is an adult and the student is supposed to listen is not realistic.  If a person with an Autism is forced to bend to the adults will, the adult will likely break before the person with an Autism or someone may end up getting hurt.  In those situations it is often best to best to state the request and rationale, explain the consequences (positive and negative) for action and inaction, give the opportunity/choice to comply, and then provide the consequence based on the response.  In my sessions, when a client is resistant to discussing a topic, I will bring up why it is important to discuss the topic but conclude with, “you can tell me about this when you are ready.”  We then proceed to other topics, but I will ask them the next session if they are ready to discuss the topic of resistance.  Progress in therapy is typically slow with this approach, but there usually is gradual progress and the client typically increases their responsiveness and willingness to discuss their emotions once they realize that they will not be pushed beyond what they feel they are capable of doing.  It may be frustrating to see progress being achieved so slowly, but slow progress is better than no progress and gentle persistence can help the person with Autism learn to advocate for themselves in a more respectful manner.  

For those of you who are new, this post is part of a series of discussion focusing on how to connect more effectively with individuals diagnosed with Autism.  Installment #5 of this series continues to focus on the emotional approach.  

In addition to having a calm demeanor, patience is the next aspect of having a positive emotional approach toward people with Autism.  What I mean by patience in this case is giving the person with Autism enough time to respond to verbal or nonverbal interaction.  Because people with Autism often process information at a much slower rate, they are not often able to come up with an appropriate response within the time frame that is expected.  Instead, they are forced to either not respond or blurt out an impulsive response that has not been thought through and, as a result, the response is often inappropriate, rude or short sighted.  Giving the person with Autism the time they need to think things through can help elicit a more appropriate response and reduce the person’s anxiety.  Whereas in a typical conversation a response time of 1-2 seconds for a simple question or statement and up to 5 seconds for something more complex can be expected, in my practice I have found response times for people with Autism to be about 5 -10 seconds for simple responses and up to 30 seconds for complex responses.  Many times during sessions when my clients are asked why they are so hesitant to interact with others, their typical response is that they did not know what to say in that situation or how to respond to others.  In many cases, however, they do know what to say, but do not have enough time to think of it.  Allowing the person with an Autism those few extra seconds to respond may seem uncomfortable at first, but the person with Autism typically does not mind the silence because it gives them the time and space to think.  The extra time to think is typically appreciated and often leads to greater interaction.

While greater patience in conversations can be helpful, the person with Autism may still have difficulty thinking of an appropriate response.  The person with Autism can be prepared by providing a few ‘catch phrases’ to get started, but once the conversation gets going they have to generate appropriate statements and questions on their own to keep the conversation going.  If the topic is related to the person’s knowledge/interests they can typically pull from their existing knowledge base and respond pretty quickly (sometimes with too much information).  However, if that knowledge based is not there, then it takes a while for the person with Autism to piece together different bits of knowledge and come up with a response.  In my practice I’ll often teach clients specific statements and questions to request more time to think like “Can you give me a minute?” or “I’m not sure, let me get back to you on that.”  Another way to give the person more time to think is to have them respond “Can you tell me more about that?” That way the person with Autism can think of how to respond while the other person is giving more detail.  Encourage the person with an ASC to tell the people they are closest to that they need more time to think and respond than others.